When it came to our separation, my world was completely dry.
He told me on the phone during one of the most inconvenient times of my life, and I still didn’t cry then. “I don’t want to be with you anymore.” No sentiment, no remorse… not even the slightest bit of constraint sounded in his voice. And so, that’s exactly how I responded. I reacted with a simple “Okay,” and proceeded to wish him well in life and all that jazz. I was partially in denial for the longest time. Over the last two years, we’d parted and gotten back together a numerous amount of times before. And it never lasted very long. The longest was about a month before new year’s eve of 2015. Yet sure enough, Xavier and I entered 2016 together.
In my mind, he didn’t mean it until I saw him with someone else. Someone I know who graduated from our school in his class. Someone that played the friend role for as long as it took. We’ll call her Kala in this blog. He calls her “Baby girl” and his “love” along with the pictures and all. Do I sound bitter? Good, because I’d be lying if I said I don’t think his new relationship is complete bullshxt. Or if I said that the last two years of my essence didn’t go to shxts because of said new relationship. Do I want him back? No. I know that realistically, it would be wholly unhealthy and could possibly destroy everything I’ve built since the parting.
It’s just… I wish we parted for a different reason… Like you know, naturally growing apart, or his doing something stupid enough to get himself killed… Or just maybe a mutual “This isn’t working out” on both parts. Then, I would feel like everything I have given since 2014 wouldn’t be so emaciated, worthless.
I didn’t reveal any emotion about the break up though. Not even on the one month following when we video chatted for four hours straight. (Okay, it rained like two drops – even so, they quickly evaporated.)
There were a few sprinkles of rain in one preceding instance, but it was not about Xavier or our disengagement. It was due to the malicious rumors/slander his cynicism cast that caused my (securely) fenced in melancholy to release some scarce drizzles.
Nevertheless, I woke up this morning to find an envelope had been slid under my dorm door. The photo mailer was from my parents, stamped with a date in August. I did ask them a long while a go (when it actually mattered to me) to send me the prom pictures Xavier and I had taken for my Senior prom in May. These pictures were substantial to me at the time because: 1) X and I were still together, 2) I had yet to see the development of them, and 3) Neither had he. I guess since my parents are the ones who purchased the pictures, they decided to take their delayed (almost too-late) time.
One look was all it took. In my world, it rarely rains; When it does, it pours.
I snapped a photo of the developments on my phone and sent it to X in an email. Considering the fact that he hadn’t seen how our poses came out either… I thought it as only fair.